So, now that I've stopped ranting about my tediousness, I have nothing left to write about...
Which begs this question: why can't the positive moments in life be as dramatic--and fill as much dramatic space--as the traumatic moments? (Weddings and the birth of children or acquisition of puppies not included.)
Today, a friend marked the 20th anniversary of her return from her Mormon mission service with this heartfelt and honest blog.
In another blog, someone wrote about how he's about to travel to Peru to volunteer among the poor. He included this quote from the organization he's volunteering for:
“Returned volunteers invariably comment about the conspicuous happiness of village people despite their poverty. The inevitable conclusion is this: Adversity may be mandatory in this life, but misery is always optional.” - The Hope Alliance (Emphasis added.)
And yet, it's the misery that seems to give us energy--even if that energy isn't the most positive. (Sometimes, the energy wrought by misery is turned on its head to result in something positive--like Mothers Against Druck Drivers or AIDSWalk or immunization...)
Yesterday, in talking to a friend, she said I needed to refocus my anger into positive energy and tone and start looking for my next job. The hard part is, getting over it and moving on. Especially when you feel a profound sense of injustice.
I guess as I've reflected on the last few days, I'm surprised at how impassioned and bitter I feel about recent events in my life. By the same token, I've been trying to recall a time when I've felt as impassioned and enthusiastic about positive, forward momentum events. It seems I find my angry voice easier than I find my happy voice. And that bugs me. (See--there I go again. Angry. Well, maybe not angry, but bugged is certainly on the spectrum that leads to angry, wouldn't you say?)
Sidebar: as I'm writing this, there are two squirrels in the tree outside my window. One has a nut in his mouth and the other is hell bent for leather chasing him/her up and down and around and across and over and under the branches and trunks and light pole. My guess is, the chaser wants the chasee's nut. And, no pun intended, it's cracking me up!
Now, back to our regular program already in progress...
Somewhere in the mirth and myth that is D.C., I feel like I've lost myself and my sense of accomplishment. I came here expecting to learn and build my resume. And while I have learned and I can add two jobs to my resume, I feel like the price I've paid personally has not been worth it.
I'd like to think I could have happy dramatic moments here, but that thought is waning and I'm ready to move on.
D.C. is a miserable town full of many miserable people. I can handle challenges and adversity (I grew up Mormon; "endure to the end" is wired into my genes), but I'm tired of being miserable.
Life is too short for trauma drama. I want to find my happy place again.
Photo courtesy of http://www.vondanieldachshunds.com/uploads/JasminMollie.jpg