Before One Dies

What is it with me and meme's lately?! Here's another one I found while randomly clicking on blogs in the blog list on DC Blogs. This one is "Five Things One Should Eat Before One Dies" or something along those lines. I found it on Lost in Somewhereistan.

Here's my list...

1. Fresh, hot, slather-them-on-my-thighs, please, Krispy Kreme Original Donuts. Ambrosia!

2. A plate of fine cheeses--Humboldt Fog, Wisconsin Smoked Gouda, Manchego--and a hearty loaf of crusty sourdough.

3. Crepes from Ti Couz in the Mission District in San Francisco. Most especially, the Tod and the La Delice. Divine! (The restaurant doesn't have a website, but here's a good review of it by a foodie. One day, I'm going to write my own review.)

4. Fresh strawberries from the farm stand on Lucas Valley Road in Marin County, California, or the Point Reyes Station Market in Point Reyes Station, California. So naturally sweet and delicate, it would be an insult to dust them with any kind of sweetener.

5. My mom's homemade crescent rolls. There's so much butter in these puppies, it's amazing the Surgeon General hasn't declared them a hazard to one's health. But they are sooooooo good. Mmmmm-mm.

If you were about to die, what would you eat?

Oh, Nuts!

A couple of weekends ago (seems like months ago, really), as I was heading out of Rehoboth and home to D.C., I stopped at Five Guys Famous Burgers & Fries for a burger and Rigby, Idaho, potato fries. I'm sitting at my table, dipping my fries in malt vinegar, watching a cute, older couple enjoy their burgers and fries, when an opportunity for humor presented itself.

For those who haven't been to Five Guys, there's always a box of unshelled peanuts sitting in a box near the cashier. As you stand in line waiting to order or as you're waiting for your burger to grill, you can shell and nosh on goobers.

As with so many before her, in came a woman who proceeded to the line. Looking into a bucket sitting on top of a trash can and completely overlooking the box of unshelled peanuts sitting next to the aforementioned trash can, she turns to the cashier and says, "Do you have nuts?"

If I'd been that cashier, I would have said, "No, but I have a nice rack."

Or, "No, I can't afford the operation, but I'm saving up for it."

Or, "No. Do you?"

How would you reply?

And Happy Memorial Day everyone!

One Happy Meal for The Queen, Please

As many of your may know, Her Majesty, the Queen of England, was in town this week. It's been a flurry of fanfare and formality all over the place.

She's been from Jamestown in the Commonwealth of Virginia to NASA's Goddard Space Flight Center in the State of Maryland. In between, there's been a derby, a white-tie state dinner, a garden reception, and an embassy fête, as well as a wreath-laying at the World War II Memorial. (P.S. Is it just me or does the jacket on the First Lady's exclusive de la Renta gown make her look like she has post-menopausal, droopy boobs? Did she forget to wear a bra Monday evening?)

At most of the events, her hosts have fed her. And fed her artfully and well. Of course, this only seems proper. I mean, it is the Queen of England. This isn't your garden variety diplomatic visit we're talking about here. The food must be, well, fit for a queen.

Now don't misunderstand. I enjoy a lovely, high-brow meal along with the rest of gourmand America. I've even been known to try my hand a time or two at crafting a pièce de résistance of my own (I'm still trying.) But it was the artfulness of the food served at a reception hosted by Governor Tim Kaine (D-VA) in Richmond that takes the cake. Prepared by Chef Patrick O'Connell of the Inn at Little Washington, the food described seemed so high brow that the brows of the truly high brow likely registered off their foreheads, it was beyond hoity toity.

Which then made me wonder...

Does the Queen retire in the evening and wish for a simple burger from room service?

Or maybe a nice dish of basic vanilla ice cream with maybe a standard fudge sauce on the side?

Perhaps she gets to the end of these trips and dreams of beans and toast?

Because, truly, there's only so much rich, artful food a soul can eat before ones insides would start to feel schlampig. (That's German for messy, by the way.)

What they should have served the Queen was some good ol' comfort food. If the Queen had visited my house, I would have made PB&J with a side of potato chips and a tall glass of whole milk.

Of course, I wouldn't have called it that. It would have been something like this.

Groundnut Legumes
with Confit of Early Spring Raspberries
on Brioche Platters

Delicate Crisps of Solanum Tuberosum
Seasoned with Hints of Cape Hatteras Sea-salt

Free-range Milk of Domesticated Bovinae

Now what's high-brow about that?


Photo copyrights: The Washington Post (Camera Works), The Washington Post (Style section), and FotoStock.com.

Oooooo... O-R-E-O

So, I discovered something the other evening.

I like OREO's somewhat humidified.

I know! Weird, huh?

I don't know what to make of it. I mean, as a kid, there was nothing worse than an OREO that had become soft as a result of sitting out or the humidity inundating a package full of cookies. But for some reason, I like them a bit on the soft side now.

I don't know what to think of this latest development...

Success?

Red velvet cake.

From scratch.

Conquering cake making has become my quest in life.

It started several months ago, when I was in Charleston, SC, and had RVC for dessert at a luncheon I attended.

I came home and bought a Duncan Hines box mix and baked away. Result: Good.

But I wanted to make this cake all by myself. On my own. From a recipe. No box mixes.

Several weeks ago, my friend, Dr Lala was in town, and we conjured up a RVC from scratch using a recipe from the Food Network. In a word: Crapola.

Okay, I can't blame the recipe entirely. I think the flour I had was old and I used canola oil instead of vegetable and I beat the batter too long. The result was a cake with the consistency of corn bread and a flavor that tasted like, well, old flour. Went straight from the cake plate into the trash. Twas sad, really.

About a week after that debacle, I found a RVC recipe on the Washington Post. Seems RVC is "The Thing" this year for the wedding set. Who knew? This recipe featured butter, more cocoa powder, more cinnamon, more red dye, and buttermilk.

I carefully followed every direction right down to the last period. The result: Passable.

I managed to make a cake that is a robust, ruby red. The crumb is a little bigger than I'd care for and I have a few air pockets in the cake. The flavor is subtly cinnamon, with an undertone of chocolate. I made a buttercream frosting to go on it, but may not have used enough confectioner's sugar. (Not to mention, the brand we can get out here is NOT C&H and there is a difference, believe me. Domino is plechy. But you gotta work with what ya got.)

All in all, I think it turned out all right. I want to learn more about cake making and I need to learn how to make a cake that has more heft and a smaller crumb.

I took pictures, but you'll have to wait until they're developed to be able to see them.... Digital camera is on the blink. The picture above is not mine. I found it on Google Images.

For Want of a Bagel

This week, the Boss Lady asked me to do some research on bagel bakeries and whether they would deliver to our offices. Most of the bagel purveyors she wanted me to look into were featured in a WaPo article a while ago. So, I let my fingers do the walking and called up the three she was most interested in. One was in D.C. up near Union Station and the other two were in Rockville. None of them, it turns out, deliver.

Disappointed, I then asked Boss Lady how often she wanted bagels in the office and proposed that perhaps one of us could run up to Union Station a couple of times a week to haul some in. (I'll tell you her response in a moment.) So, why do I tell you all this? For one simple reason only: I am baffled that in a city addicted to coffee and carbs and frantic energy, there are no... none... nada... bagel franchises to be found in this entire city.

I know, I know. There's Au Bon Pain, but it's not strictly a bagel shop. And yes, there's Einsteins, but they're in the suburbs. Of course, you can find a bagel at McDonald's if you're willing to eat it with preformed eggs, ham, and cheese. Or, the little local delis and markets sometimes have them. But I'm not interested in any of those. I'm talking about a genuine, all-we-do-is-bagels bagel shop.

When I lived and worked in the Bay Area, they were as ubiquitous as Peet's Coffee shops. At least once a week, we had bagels from Noah's. How is it that there isn't something like that in this city?

Getting back to the Boss Lady, though. When I asked how often she'd like bagels in the office and if one of us should make a run for them, she e-mailed me back and said, "This isn't a bagel office. I just wanted them once. No need to do anything else with this. Thanks."

Sheesh. Here I thought it was something and now all I have in my head are thoughts of bagels.

I want a bagel, dammit!

Bagel and lox. BLT on a cinnamon raisin. Sea salt and butter. Asiago cheese... Bagels, oh, bagels, wherefore art thou?

Carnitas

I made pork carnitas today. Or something like unto it.

Well, okay, actually, I started it last night at 10:00 p.m., then let it cook until 12:30 a.m., turned it off, went to bed, fired it back up this morning, finished cooking it, and ate it this evening.

First time I've ever made it. And I'm not sure I even made it right since I didn't follow a recipe. Here's what I did:

3 lbs pork tenderloin
1 medium onion, chopped
2 cups of salsa verde
7 oz of chopped green chilis
2 cups of water

Brown the pork tenderloin in a 2 quart pot until it's a warm, caramelly color. Remove the 'loin from the pot and let it rest on a plate for a few minutes. Add the onions to the pot and saute until slightly soft. Return the 'loin and any drippings back into the pot. Add the salsa verde, chilis, and water. Bring to a boil, then turn down to medium heat. Cover and let the meat and liquid cook for an hour and a half, turning meat occasionally. Turn heat to low and let it simmer for about four hours, reducing the liquid down to about half of its original volume. Remove the meat from the liquid and shred it using two forks. Return the meat to the pot and let it cook on low for another hour or so.

Serve with rice, mixed with 1/2 cup of salsa verde and some sour cream. It's also great in burritos. (Sorry there are no pictures. No working camera at the moment.)

Success!

I am pleased to report there is another convert to the goodness that is the "World Famous in Poland Oatmeal" recipe, which was featured here on this blog several days ago.

It would appear that 'Alice' of Alice's Adventures Underground gave it a whirl and said it has completely changed her oatmeal eating experience! I'm so pleased.

To read her comment, go here and scroll toward the bottom.

And Alice, welcome to the club!

If there are others out there who have tried this recipe, please let me know what you thought and if you made any modifications. I'd love to hear variations on this theme, as long as they don't include variations that result in mush!

Freeze

So, this morning, when I went out to get in the car to drive to Metro, I had a pair of leather glittens (a combination of gloves inside mittens. They're the perfect winter handwear), an unfinished bottle of Deer Park water, and a package of Gummie Smurfs.

I'd worn the gloves yesterday to beat--yes, you read that right: beat--the ice off of my car. In the process of abusing my Honda CR-V, the tips of my glittens got a little wet. Why I left them in the car, I have no clue, but I did. This morning, the tips were frozen solid. Lovely.

A bottle of Deer Park water is generally a fixture in my car. When I picked up said unfinished bottle this morning and shook it, the water turned to smoky slush. Cool! Although, it sort of hinders your ability to drink it because it gets gridlocked at the narrow neck of the bottle and your only choice is to suck on it like a baby sucks a bottle. For a grown-up, that ain't so attractive.

Last week, when Dr Lala was in town, she brought me Gummie Smurfs. They're little blue gummies with white, red, and yellow caps. I left them in the car overnight. And would you believe... they were NOT frozen. I don't know why, but for some reason, that disturbs me. What's in a gummie candy that it won't freeze solid? Doesn't that just seem wrong somehow?

I just know I'm going to lose sleep over that last one tonight...


Photo copyright: Molly Burke, UC-Irvine.

World Famous in Poland Oatmeal

I’m sure you’re wondering, “What? World Famous in Poland Oatmeal?! What’s that?”

It’s two things: a reference to a line in a Mel Brooks’ movie and a recipe for oatmeal unlike any oatmeal you’ve ever eaten before.

But first, Mel Brooks. “World famous in Poland” is a line from his movie To Be Or Not To Be. If you haven’t seen this one, it ranks in the top three of all of Brooks’ films. The three being, in no particular order, Young Frankenstein, Blazing Saddles, and TBONTB.

If you can name the scene and the actor who says the line, "But he's world famous in Poland," I'll personally make you my "World Famous in Poland Oatmeal."

As for the oatmeal, what I’m about to share is nothing short of divine and is a family recipe that is unlike anything you’ve ever eaten in a hot breakfast cereal. If you’re like 99% of the population, you probably grew up eating oatmeal that was a variation on either watery and soupy or thick and tacky. You probably could have used it as wallpaper paste and never known the difference. It was generally “Quick Oats” or "Instant" you were eating and it likely stuck to your ribs. Which is a shame, really. Your oatmeal experience could have been so different—and is about to be—if you’d made it like I’m about to show you. (You can click on all the pictures to enlarge them and see more detail.)

Ingredients: Quaker Old Fashioned Oats, Raisins, Butter, Sugar, Cinnamon.
Tools: One sauce or quart pan, a strainer, a stove, and a proper sense of timing.

First, go to the cereal aisle in your favorite grocery store and buy a container of Quaker OLD FASHIONED OATS (see above.) Do not buy “Quick” or “Instant” oats. They are the reason oatmeal is so ghastly and 19th century. (And don’t even get me started on those awful insta-packs with all their artificial flavor iterations. Eeewwww. Ick. Plechy, as my sister would say.) In addition to the old fashioned oats, you will also need raisins, butter, sugar, and cinnamon.

Sauce pan with raisins and a 1/2 teaspoon of salt.

Second, fill a quart sized pan 2/3 full with water. Add a teaspoon of salt. If you’d like raisins in your oatmeal, add them now. Bring the water with the raisins to a swift boil.

This is about 2 tbsp of butter (or 3 pats),
3 heaping tablespoons of white granulated sugar,
and 1/2 teaspoon of Saigon cinnamon.

Meanwhile, as you’re waiting for the water to boil, get out a deep cereal bowl—if you’re making a single serving, or a mixing bowl—if you’re making enough for you and family or friends. For a single serving, put 1 – 2 tablespoons of butter, 2 – 3 heaping tablespoons of sugar, and a 1/2 teaspoon of cinnamon in the bowl. For multiple servings, double, triple, or quadruple those amounts (in other words, one fixing of ingredients per person.)

This is not quite 2 cups of oatmeal.

Once the water is boiling, scoop out two handfuls of oatmeal per person (not quite 2 cups) and dump it into the boiling water.

This is immediately after I poured the oats in the water with the raisins.
I then stir it around four or five times to make sure all the oats have equal cooking opportunity!

Let the oatmeal cook for about 15 seconds (but not more than 20 seconds) and remove from heat. Pour into a strainer to remove all of the excess water.

This is what it will look like when you've drained all of the water off.
You're really on your way to yummy now!

The oatmeal should look dry and loose, but will be cooked basically al dente thereby still retaining its firmness and not going mushy. If you cook it more than 20 seconds, you run the risk of it starting to feather and mush.

The finished product!

Transfer the oatmeal to your bowl with the butter, sugar, and cinnamon, and stir. You should get a silky, syrupy consistency and the smell of butter, sugar, and cinnamon should make you swoon. If you want milk with your oatmeal, add your desired amount.

If you look closely at the 3 o'clock position in this picture,
you'll see a little pool of syrup--
the result of the butter, sugar, and cinnamon
melting in the heat of the oats and raisins.
This is what makes this oatmeal especially divine.
Yum, yum, yum!

The perfect meal on a cold winter's morning/afternoon/evening... Eat up and eat hearty!



A note about the raisins: if you like raisins and you want them in your oatmeal, boil them with the water. This will melt the naturally occurring sugars in the raisins and make them plump, juicy, and sweet. (This is also a good tip to know when making oatmeal cookies. Believe you me, it will make a world of difference.) If you don't care for raisins--no way, no how--omit them. I haven't tried other dried fruits in this, though I imagine you could.

Another note about serving oatmeal this way: you’re probably feeling a little dubious and doubtful. You probably hate oatmeal and have nothing but psychologically scarring memories of your grandmother’s oatmeal. This is not, I repeat, NOT your grandmother’s oatmeal. I’ve converted many a friend to oatmeal using this recipe. I promise, it’s really, really good or I’ll give you your money back on your container of Quaker Old Fashioned Oats.

A special thanks to my brother, Phillip, for lending me his camera, without which this illustrated cooking lesson would not have been possible.

Photo copyrights: Janet M Kincaid

On the Eighth Day, God Created Chevre

And He saw that it was good.

And that evening, the Goddess found the chevre and did wrap it in thinly sliced smoked ham. And She saw that it was better than good.

In fact, it was divine...

And speaking of divine, the above photo is a shot of Humboldt Fog Goat Cheese. If you like goat cheese, this is the one to serve at your parties or to give as a gift to friends. It is lucious. You can get Humboldt Fog at Whole Foods, Wegmans, and purveyors of fine cheeses.

In addition to the Chevre jambon d'Italia Dr Lala brought from France, she also brought gruyere, blue cheese, more chevre, cream for pouring over fruit or pastry, chocolate, and Smurf gummies.

I'm thinking I should be looking for jobs in Europe. Unfortunately, I'd probably eat my way through the experience.

That's not a bad thing, is it?

Thanks, Dr Lala! Loved having you here this weekend. And next time, I will succeed at making Red Velvet cake.

Bacon

Damn the person who decided it would be a good idea to cut bacon thicker than what you normally would!

Seriously, where have I been all these years, eating thin sliced bacon?! Why didn't someone tell me about thick sliced bacon?

And then, this evening, my friend, Dr Lala, shows up from France and brings me bacon that has been cut into small pieces suitable for frying up one serving at a time. This way, I don't have to buy a whole slab of bacon and cut it up. I can just pull out one of these little packets, open it up, toss it in a pan, fry it up, and voile, bacon bits! How divine!

My mother says, when you go to fancy restaurants, instead of bringing out a plate of crusty bread and EVOO she wishes they would bring out the bread and a plate of bacon drippings. Having recently dipped a lovely sourdough from Best Buns into bacon drippings, I can tell you, she's on to something. (P.S. Happy Birthday, Mom!)

I tried to find a picture of bacon that was more than just slabs of meat on a plate. In the midst of my Google search, I found this: I Heart Bacon. An entire blog dedicated to BACON!

Sigh.

Pork fat rules.

Photo copyright: I Heart Bacon.

Cake

Red Velvet, to be precise.

Yesterday, for the Women's Dinner & Book Group Holiday Fete, I made red velvet cupcakes as one of my dessert offerings.

If you've never had red velvet cake, it's a goody!

Duncan Hines makes a decent box mix, which is what I used yesterday with some modifications. In fact, if you want to make a Duncan Hines cake mix into a super yummy, oh-so-bad-for-you cake, you can substitute the directions on the back and do the following:

1 Duncan Hines cake mix, any flavor
1/2 cup butter
1 cup water
1/2 cup sweet and condensed milk
1 small package instant pudding (for white, spice, yellow, marble, carrot, etc., use vanilla; for chocolate, use chocolate.)
4 eggs

Mix all the ingredients together and return to and follow the instructions on the box.

But getting back to the red velvet cake...

What is red velvet cake exactly? As it turns out, it's chocolate cake with a load of red dye in it.

Custom holds that it's a Southern thang, but according to About.com and Wikipedia, the legend of red velvet cake and its origins is tied to New York City's most storied hotel--the Waldorf-Astoria. But the story is along the same lines as the $250 Nieman-Marcus Chocolate Chip cookie myth that has circulated on the internet for years. The origin of red velvet cake, apparently, is equally dubious. Still, it's an eye-catching cake and one that generates conversation wherever it's served.

If you want to make this cake from scratch, here's a good recipe.

Day 23 (Part 4): Open

It's been a bloggerific day over here at DC Rush Hour. I've broken records for number of postings in one day. Four! Good Lord! Do I have five anyone? The gentlemen over in the corner? No?

Anyway--I just finished making banana bread. I've got some orange peel, cinnamon stick, and whole cloves simmering on the stove, and I'm listening to Johnny Mathis sing "Merry Christmas."

But the real point of this fourth post is this:

Safeway will be open for business on Christmas Day!

Yep, it's true.

I just got back from the store and I asked the cashier if they were going to be open tomorrow, recalling the years I spent as a cashier and working on Christmas Eve. He said not only would they be open tomorrow, but they'd be open on Christmas Day, too.

I couldn't believe it. There's just something so wrong about that. It's one day a year, for Pete's sake. Would it be so bad for business to close for a day? This probably means they'll also be open on New Year's Day.

Oh, you want to know the reason, you say? Because not everyone celebrates Christmas and so the company feels it should be open for all the non-Christmas celebrators.

Okay, I know, I know. I'm about to go on a right wing rant here, but I can't help it. No, wait. I'll restrain myself and just simply say, "Whatever."

I won't be shopping on Christmas Day, though. No way, no how. Hmph.

Day 21 (Part 3): Slurpees

Stopped at 7-11 today and bought a cherry Slurpee. Sort of a nostalgia thing, I guess. Actually, truth is, I needed to break a $50 and a Slurpee seemed a good way to do that.

Anyway--got my Slurpee and a bag of Doritos. Those buggers leave you with bad breath, so to counter that, I popped a piece of Dentyne Ice gum into my mouth.

And here's the moral of today's story: Never, never, never chew mint gum and slurp a cherry Slurpee. EVER.

Tastes like all those gawd-awful cherry cold syrups we subject ourselves to in an effort to fight aches, sniffles, coughs, and sleeplessness when we're sick.

NEVER, EVER, EVER. Ruined the Slurpee for me. As I type this, it's sitting in the cupholder in my car, melting.

NEVER.

Day 20: Chicken and Waffles

Today's blog is inspired by DCFud, who wrote about Oohhs & Aahhs Restaurant on U Street. Apparently, O&A serves chicken and waffles.

Chicken and waffles? you ask incredulously. Chicken and waffles?!

Hey, don't knock it 'til you've tried it. I'm here to tell you, fried chicken and waffles is one fine culinary combination. The juxtaposition of savory and sweet is unsurpassed. If you like maple syrup on your bacon when you have waffles and bacon, this is just as good!

Case in point: one of my favorite restaurants in California is Roscoe's House of Chicken 'n Waffles. There use to be one in Oakland, but it shut its doors several years ago. If you want a fix of Roscoe's now, you have to go to Pasadena for the taste of southern fried chicken and secret recipe waffles that will leave you feeling like you've died and gone to heaven.

In addition to Oohhs & Aahhs in D.C., there's also Gladys Knight & Ron Winan's Chicken & Waffles up in Largo, MD. Had no idea she had a restaurant in this area; haven't been there, but I might have to check it out. I'll certainly be visiting Oohhs & Aahhs.

And now I'm hungry...

Day 19: Note to My Siblings

Janeen and Phillip,

Check out today's PostSecrets (the link is over on the right under, what else, "Links.") See if you can figure out which PostSecret made me laugh out loud. I didn't send it in, but we certainly have room in our family to do so!

Love,

Janet

P.S. If you can figure out which one it is, send me an email.


UPDATE: 11/29/06 Here's the PostSecret that absolutely made me guffaw. Unless you're my siblings, I think this is a "you had to be there" thing.



Second runner up was a PostSecret that said, "I drive like a shithead!" So true, so true, so true.

Day 18: Dessert

Tomorrow, I'm having friends over for dinner.My grad school advisor, Don Compier, is in town for the American Academy of Religion conference. He's bringing a couple of his friends and I've invited a few friends. All told, there will be nine of us (possibly 10), but I digress.... I'm making beef stroganoff (seemed like a good thing to make on a cold, fall afternoon.) The conundrum, however, is dessert.

I have a Cheesecake Factory Original cheesecake in my fridge. I was going to make a raspberry-pinot noir reduction to go over it. My friend Rio Grande Valley Girl once said of my reduction, "This is better than sex." That's option 1.

Then I started thinking perhaps I'd make oatmeal cake instead. It's a recipe my mother made when I was a kid (and still makes) that is so incredibly yummy.

It involves oatmeal, coconut, walnuts and a topping made with lots of butter, brown sugar, more coconut and more walnuts. (I'm salivating just thinking about it.) When I make it, I usually "go European" and serve it with a dollop of fresh whipped cream on the side. That's option 2.

Decisions, decisions....

I can't decide....

Maybe I'll just make two desserts and give people options....

Day 4: I LOVE Trader Joe's

Two words: Pirate's Booty.

Yum.

Not to mention all the other really good stuff you can get at TJ's.

Tonight, friends are coming over and we're making homemade pizza using TJ's fresh pizza dough and pizza sauce.

Here's a query: what are your favorite pizza toppings?

And here's a second query: what is your favorite beverage when you have pizza?

And finally, third query: what is your secret to great pizza?

I Yam What I Yam

Today's news features a warning from the U.S. Food and Drug Administration about a recent outbreak of e.coli. Seems bagged spinach is the culprit.

Can you imagine the conversations around dinner tables tonight?

"See, Mom! I told you spinach is bad for me!"

And over at the Cartoon Network, folks are scrambling to rewrite the dialogue for Popeye. The last thing we need is for our fictional hero to be stuck in the loo with the runs at that critical moment when Olive Oyl needs saving from Brutus.

In other hilarious, but true news, a friend of mine had a death in the family this week. When she went to 800-flowers.com to order an arrangement for the funeral, the site asked her for the name of the deceased using a drop down menu. The options:

Myself
Other...

Who knew that was the new de rigueur in funeral protocol: order your own, baby!